by Allison Moore

Created on: July 24, 2010

No matter how difficult the situation, no matter what role others played in my life, regardless of the external factors, my environment, no matter how deeply rooted my desire to assist and take care of the family, no matter how jealous of others, no matter how badly I wanted to be liked and noticed, I still had a choice.  I internalized my situation and created automatic responses to the inner voice I answered to.  I allowed my truth to be distorted.  My truth was all about who I was and not what others thought of me.  I told myself that this was the only way.  I never challenged it.  The unchallenged lie became my truth.  I chose to steal for the first time and every other time after that. I became insensitive.  I was no longer true to myself.  I internalized the messages of favoritism and gave meaning to it.  Deep within the core of my being I believed that if I was smart enough I wouldn’t get punished.  Countless times this lie proved as my truth.  Being smart, intelligent and articulate allowed me to escape punishment. That’s the way it was to me, even if it wasn’t.  It was my experience.  That is my meaning of truth.  I am not a bad person.  I made bad choices.  I over rid what I knew with what I knew.  Knowing why, gave me the power to change and allow God to change me from within and find the real me, live with the real me, love the real me.  With a new perspective I see my choices..my path..my life. I no longer allow someone else to define me based on how they perceive me.

     Looking back I realize that my earliest childhood memories created a long term effects on my emotional being.  A message about how I was to feel about myself, my value, my worth, my strengths and my potential became linked to my reality.  I subconsciously allowed it to control my thinking and I always predicted an expected end. Since I am aware of that message I can choose to change it and actively make better choices.  My message said “I am a leader…people look to me to be strong and set an example….I must never show my weakness… I must be strong and never show my real self for the rest of my life.” I am chipping away at that self-fulfilling prophesy as I struggle for success.  I am reprogramming those thoughts, affirmations and lies unchallenged.  I am digging it up only to expose it to

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