by Elaine M. Doxie

Created on: July 23, 2010

Divorce mediation can be a very useful tool if both parties are willing to compromise.  If, however, even one party is unable to compromise, the whole thing can fall apart.  Mediation, if possible, is a much less expensive and less confrontational method of deciding who gets what in the event of divorce. 

The best way to determine if mediation is right for your particular case depends largely on what life was like during the marriage.  If you were able to compromise between the two of you about anything while you were married, then mediation may be the best and most peaceful route for you to go.  However, if your former spouse is the "my way or the highway" type, mediation is likely to result in nothing but frustration.

For some people, they think they are meeting you halfway if they have to give even a tiny bit, and you give up nearly everything else.  I will never forget the day my ex-husband called and thought he was being so magnanimous  because he offered to give me my curling iron in exchange for our four children.  Needless to say, I refused his offer, and although I lost everything else in my divorce, my sense of humor was not so badly damaged that I couldn't laugh at the fact that he thought that was anywhere near fair.  This is not the kind of person that you want to try to mediation with.  He had also bragged that he did not give me any holiday that lasted more than 3 days with the children, thinking this was some kind of accomplishment to keep my children away from me.  In this particular case, this man was and is emotionally abusive. In cases of abuse of any kind, even if the abuse is not physical, you do not want to go through mediation.  Abusive people are the types of people that see compromise as weakness, and therefore you will not get anywhere with them.  

If there was no abuse in the marriage, and you have ever been able to compromise before, then mediation will help you to come to a reasonable and fair settlement, and should be employed.  I actually still believe that mediation may be the best option even for situations such as mine if you could find a mediator that recognized the symptoms of abuse and didn't let you settle for less than your fair share.

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