by Joanna Bower

Created on: July 22, 2010

He saw us coming

Sitting uncomfortably at my computer, a large animal on the chair next to me is snoring loudly.  As usual, I have been relegated to the piano stool whilst Bruno, the cat, dwarfs the study chair.  When home alone, I have visions of him fixing a coffee and surfing the net.

A large, clumsy, dog-loathing cat likes to be cuddled like a baby.  Bruno appeared in our back garden one day and started to squat.  A recent stray, he clearly wasn't malnourished and frequented a variety of eating establishments.  Even the local hairdressers had been feeding him.  They thought he was a pregnant female.

We would return from work to find him sitting serenely on the doorstep.  Once inside, it became increasingly difficult to evict him at the end of the evening.  We were getting attached to Bruno and he seemed to want to put down roots.  Eventually we gave in to his demands and granted him permanent residence. 

Who is training whom?

As soon as Bruno had one paw in the door, he began to bang.  The bath panel became his favourite surface to effectively secure our attention.  Standing up on his back paws, he merrily bangs away.  Doors, cupboards, boxes, windows and even the side of the fireplace work well for his purposes.  He isn't particularly fussy as long as it creates noise.

I am proud to say that Bruno will always come when I call.  Sadly, he just won't answer to his name.  As long as I utter the phrase - "Do you want some ham?" - he appears.  Perhaps, I should be deeply ashamed.  Instead, I am more than happy to entertain guests with my cat's firm grasp of the English language.

In fact, Bruno not only ambles over to greed his reward, he sits obediently to receive it.  Some sceptics may argue that this is just his lazy nature.  However, injuries sustained during training suggest otherwise.  Shredded fingers were commonplace whilst teaching Bruno the value of patience.

In the Doghouse

A few months after Bruno's arrival, I was the witness to a most vindictive attack.  Early in the morning, I peered outside and saw a lady walking her two miniature poodles.  It was still quite dark and I could barely make out the dark shape behind our gate.  Yes, it was Bruno.  Squatting down, so that he was not noticed.

I had watched Bruno stalk dogs before, so this was nothing new.  He would stand in the middle of the pavement and force owners

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