by Dr J Cornell

Created on: July 21, 2010

As a parent one of things that your child will do that truly sets your teeth on edge is whine.  Children whine for one reason alone: to express how they feel to you.  Generally it is because they are frustrated because they can’t do something, they are tired, hungry or they aren’t getting their own way.  If a child is old enough to whine then they are old enough to understand that whining is not the way to get what you want or what you need.

Follow these simple guidelines and you can stop your child whining quickly, if your child tries to revert to whining in the future stick to these rules and they’ll soon find a better way of communicating with you.

1: Never respond to a whine.  If your child approaches you whining about how they can’t get their shoes on or that they are hungry stop them whining and explain the way you would like them to ask you, then have them ask you twice in a nice way, you get them to ask you twice as they are more likely to remember next time.

2:  If it is something that you have already explained enough times that you feel they should know better get in quickly to cut the whine short and ask them how they think they should ask for your help or attention.  Then expect them to ask nicely.  If necessary make them practice doing the activity that they have trouble with and asking nicely for help.

3, If a child begins whining about a certain activity when they’ve been asking nicely for a few day stop them send them back to the door of the room or wherever they were before the whined at you and tell them to ask properly.

4, If a child has been whining about a particular thing and remembers on an occasion to ask nicely for help in a good tone of voice praise them a lot for asking so nicely and give them a lot of attention, this will help them remember next time and they are more likely to ask nicely next time.

5, If the child is older and constantly whines just to wind you up, ignore it completely, any sign that it is irritating you will make the child do it even more.

At the risk of repeating myself I’d like to emphasise the golden rule: NEVER RESPOND TO A WHINE.  If a child gets something they want by using a particular behaviour they will use it the next time and the next and the next, it is much easier to encourage bad behaviour and social skills than it is to get children out of the habit or exhibiting them.  Talk to your child the way you wish them to talk to you and role play it with their toys if they are young enough to enjoy this, children can learn a lot through play.  Demonstrate every day how to talk to family members and other members of your community and set an example to your children, if they see you shouting and cursing at people they will think it’s the right thing to do, if they see you respecting others and using their manners then they will think that is the correct thing to do.  Your role in your child’s life is not as a friend it is to be their guide, educator and security.  Stick to your rules and encourage them well when they meet or exceed your expectations.

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