by Warren O. Brennan

Created on: July 19, 2010

As is often when writing articles for Helium, I find myself slightly deviating from the title provided. In this case, it is because I don’t believe in setting hard and fast “rules” with your new college roommate. The minute you suggest to him or her that they must abide by certain rules, you come off as domineering. You will turn them off and, quite possibly, make them adversarial from the get go. This creates a bad environment from the beginning.

However, I do agree that a conversation needs to be had between new roommates about how you plan to live together. This can be accomplished in a non-demanding fashion that leaves room for modification if necessary.

In order to accomplish this, first inquire about your new roommate’s likes and dislikes. Do they have an early class schedule and need to get up early? Do they plan on having friends over often? How did they want to share expenses, like food? What about cleaning? Do they mind loud music? What is their opinion on alcohol in the room? Then, follow up with your own personal preferences. Hopefully, you will find common ground on a number of the issues. If not, begin working out compromises. Make them understand that you are uncomfortable with certain things. Don’t demand action from them, but voice your concerns. You will achieve much more progress this way.

It is crucial to have such a discussion early on. If you don’t establish that you have an 8am class and need at least 7 hours of sleep, you can hardly blame your roommate for having a friend over late the night before. Likewise, not suggesting a plan to tackle the vacuuming duties makes for a fight when it isn’t done for weeks. Putting them on notice beforehand of your preferences and ideas, without making strict demands, will ease a lot of tension.

It is of course possible that your roommate will ignore your concerns and disregard your requests. This is another reason why you want to have the conversation early on about responsibilities in the room. If your roommate becomes so inconsiderate that you have to move out, you must be able to say that, from the first day, you made them aware of your schedule and needs. Colleges are unlikely to move students out of a room unless they can point to something one roommate did to make the situation unlivable. Having a conversation early, and then a roommate that completely blows you off, eases your burden in convincing the school to move you to another space if need be.

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