by Elizabeth A. Marion

Created on: July 18, 2010

No matter how hard we can try to treat the people around us with respect we will sometimes say things we don't mean or do something else to hurt them. Being able to resolve such situations depends on your ability to recognize when you need to apologize. Saying "I'm sorry" was probably something you were taught about as a kid. It's not just for children. Sometimes it can be the only thing that holds a friendship or a relationship together.

You should always apologize when you know you did or said something that hurt someone. It may not have been intentional. You may not have even realized right away that what you said was hurtful. It doesn't matter. If you want to be a good friend you should apologize if you have done something hurtful.

Apologizing may also be the right approach when you feel guilty about something. In these cases the apology will probably do more to help you than it will help the other person. They may not even expect you to apologize, but apologizing can still be worth it if it makes you feel better about something and eases tension.

Maybe a friend is giving you signs that they want you to apologize for something. This is hard to detect if someone doesn't feel it would be right to demand an apology. You should notice, though, if a friend doesn't want to talk to you as much or seems bothered by something when you are around. Ask them what's bothering them, and if you did something to upset them apologize.

If your gut instinct tells you to apologize, you should do it. Even if you don't feel guilty or you don't think they expect you to apologize your gut can sometimes tell you that it is best to do so anyway. A lot of times we hurt people without realizing it and friends won't always tell us when we do something to upset them. If you follow your gut instinct and apologize it can help you start a new conversation.

Knowing when not to apologize is important as well. Sometimes a friend may expect you to apologize for something you were never at fault for. There is nothing wrong with refusing to apologize for something that is not your fault. If your friend wants to blame you anyway that is their own problem. A friend who will demand that you apologize when you did nothing wrong is not a friend. A friend who will apologize quickly when they know they hurt you is a friend.

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