by Melissa Shank

Created on: July 16, 2010   Last Updated: July 17, 2010

Losing A Baby: A Mother’s Experience

Words cannot explain the anguish that a mother feels when losing a child. It is indescribably life’s worst experience. It weighs heavy on the heart for a lifetime; a wound that never completely heals.

My first pregnancy was confirmed when our baby was 8 weeks old in the womb. I saw the baby’s peanut-shaped figure on the ultrasound and heard the beautiful sound of his or her heartbeat echoing throughout the room. What a sweet moment!

The doctor stated that most miscarriages occur within the first three months, but hearing the baby’s heartbeat was a sure sign that all was well. I knew the old tale of waiting to make an announcement to others, but I did not care. My husband and I told everyone!

We found a crib and a changing table within the next two weeks and began to transform our spare room. I washed the new baby blanket that I purchased and laid it neatly in the crib. I attached the mobile and wound it every day to hear the sweet melody that would soon be soothing our little baby. I hung wallpaper and nestled stuffed bears in the crib. We took pictures to remember our first phase into parenthood. My heart was happy; our lives seemed better. I could not wait to grow a big, beautiful belly!

Without a care in the world, I entered the doctor’s office for my 12 week checkup. I could not help but stare at the other women in the room, jealous of their progress, but content that I was now one of them.

The nurse called me back and we did the normal, routine check-in. I was taken to a room to wait for the doctor. It was so excited and I could not wait to hear my little baby again…Only this time, I did not and never would again.

My baby had died approximately 2 weeks earlier. No signs, no cause, no reasoning. I was no longer a mother-to-be. It was a short-lived pregnancy, but by no means any easier.

I had a D & C (Dilation and Curettage is a minor surgical procedure used to remove tissue from the uterus) performed the following morning. My baby's remains were cremated.

Since then, I have had two more miscarriages and three successful pregnancies (four children- two singletons and a set of twins). I am not sure why our hearts had to endure such pain, but I am sure that we made it through okay and enjoy our four children each and every day, while the memory of our lost ones live on.

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