by Sita

Created on: July 15, 2010   Last Updated: July 16, 2010

As a new mom, I realize that all the changes aren't just happening with mom and baby. I've also realized that, even when dad wants to help, he doesn't always know what to do when that new baby comes. This is a little insight for dads who are trying to do the right thing and help out mom and baby, but don't really know what to do or where to be the most use.

The biggest helpful thing you can do is help mom to anticipate needs- her own, and the baby's. Mom is sore, tired, overwhelmed, and everyone is sleep-deprived- thinking of things ahead of time isn't a strongpoint.  A screaming baby further impedes the ability to think clearly....and if she is like me,  even a month into this new mom thing,  I find that I'm forgetting things. I go to feed the baby and quiet her, only to realize I have no burp cloths, even though I knew I'd need one.  If dad just restocks the diaper supply so that mom isn't fumbling around with a screaming baby in her arms in the middle of the night trying to find and open a new package, it's a huge help. Juggling a baby and anything else at the same time is a learned skill. A nice stock of available diapers, wipes, and even an extra outfit for baby in case of a mess is a big help- especially if these are set out close for those middle of the night changes. Packing the diaper bag for an outing is a huge help, too- mom is lucky if she remembers her shoes, let alone the spare pacifier.

The same goes for mom's needs. As a breastfeeding new mom, I've found that feeding a hungry baby takes precedence...over everything, even a very thirsty mom or eating myself.  And there may be nothing worse than finally getting baby into position, getting yourself comfortable, and realizing as you are feeding your finally-content child that you yourself are imagining a glass of water with the intensity of someone stuck in a desert for days. Having a drink handy or a snack for mom is going to win any new dad some major brownie points- or at least, a few extra minutes of sleep. Also, a magazine, a book, or the remote control handy is nice, for when you are in the same position for a long time. If you're bottle- feeding, just having the bottles prepared or easy to access is a help. 

New dads also can be a huge help by allowing mom some "mom time". You don't realize it ahead of time, but sometimes you even forget to go to the bathroom with the demands of a new baby on you. Offer to hold or rock the baby for a bit, let mom take a shower

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