by Boneca

Created on: March 01, 2007   Last Updated: May 22, 2010

At first bulimia seemed to me to be the answer to all my problems. I have had this secret for seven years now, and I truly believe that I will never be rid of this. Having bulimia is the same as having an addiction. I always tell myself that this will be the last time and that from now on, I will never binge again. The problem with this is that I don't know anymore what a normal meal or snack consists of. So I throw it all up because to me it seems like I just ate my entire fridge.

At first, bulimia did seem like an easy way to lose weight. I'm not really sure how I got bulimia, but I know that it has always been with me throughout most of my life. During my early teens I never developed bulimia, but I experimented with it. My days consist of obsessing about food and what I should and shouldn't eat. If I do eat something, I want to get rid of it as soon as possible. When you don't have food in your stomach, you think about how disgusting this behavior is. What I mean is how disgusting it is to have to throw up in a public washroom! When you eat something you simply don't care. The only thing racing through your mind is where you can get rid of it. At that moment it doesn't matter where you purge it.

Some say that bulimia is associated with depression, and I believe it. I am a depressed individual, and I have always been a sad, sensitive person. When I think about why I developed this problem, I first think that it was because I simply wanted to be skinny. Now, I'm starting to believe that this was not the only reason.

I find that my bulimia becomes better and worse from time to time. Sometimes I will only purge once a day or even two or three times a week. During times of stress, I will purge everyday, sometimes two to three times a day. I could go on and on about how I live with this disgusting life-consuming habbit, but I just wanted to provide some insight as to what it's like to live with bulimia everyday.

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