by P. M. Montgomery

Created on: July 13, 2010

When you are in a relationship and you trust your partner, there should be no reason to pry into their phone calls or other things that we generally think of as private.  Even married people deserve some private time, or alone time in which to unwind or do the things they do that makes them unique.

As someone who has been married for over 24 years I know I need time alone to be “me”.  I need my alone time to write or to read and to escape the daily stresses that life brings.  My husband is not a writer or a reader.  His chosen methods of escape are fishing or the firing range.  I do not like either of those things and don’t make a big deal out of it when he wants to go off on a fishing trip.  I trust him.

Now, hypothetically, if for some reason he was spending way more time than usual on his cell phone and leaving the room to take calls, yes, my suspicions would be raised.  First if this were happening to someone else, I would suggest asking your partner about it.  If you do not get an answer that sounds reasonable, or if the behavior continues, then it is time for a little prying.  Take a look at the phone, if you can, and see what numbers he is calling frequently or which number is calling in frequently.  Check the texts and you may find that yes, there is cause for concern. 

A change in a person’s behavior when you are in a long-term relationship is the only reason I can see for prying into their privacy.  If you are wrong, then you may be damaging the trust that it has taken years to establish and once that trust is gone, it takes a lifetime to rebuild.  If you are right, then the trust has already been destroyed and you need to know this.

Another hypothetical scenario; if you have just started a relationship with someone and it is a few months into the relationship and you come home to find that they have read your journal, what would you do?  This is a person with no respect for another person’s privacy or boundaries and would you continue the relationship?  What if you were already in love with him or her?  Again, hypothetically, if you choose to go through with the relationship, just be prepared for that kind of behavior to continue throughout your relationship.  You may find that anything you want to do that does not include him or her suspect in their eyes.  Any friends that you once had that were of the opposite sex are now off limits because of his or her inability to trust in you.  Be prepared to have your privacy intruded upon over and over again throughout the history of your relationship.  Phones will be searched.  Computers will be searched and any online social sites you join, you may be sure that he or she will be joining them too, just to keep an eye on you.  This kind of relationship is not one that can end with a happily ever after.

We deserve a little privacy a human beings just to be ourselves.  If we are not doing anything wrong, then we deserve the trust of our partner.  If our behavior changes in some way that makes our partner suspicious, then I would say to expect some prying into your privacy.  If you have done nothing wrong, then don’t worry about it.  If you have, then, as that saying goes, be sure your sins will find you out. 

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