by Larry McNerney

Created on: July 12, 2010   Last Updated: July 13, 2010

Good day all who had a father.  My dad never gave me a $50,000 car.  He never bought me a house.  When I wanted to have a brand new suit, and I did occasionally, he never took me to the store and bought me one.  We never went on cruises, and we never flew anywhere together.  He was just there for me, and when you read the newspapers, and get to know the why's of crime, a father who is there is necessary.

Francis H. and Jeanne Mae did not get along well and so when I was three and Steve was 5, there was the divorce.  He could have chosen it was too painful to see us, and then be forced to leave us.  He could have decided that sharing anytime with his ex-wife was too difficult.  Instead he came by on weekends, and he took us for a week vacation, two times a year.  Baseball, basketball, football, just practicing catch.  Just hitting a bucket of golf balls.  Just acting like a father, and there is no payment for him other than getting the joy of having sons.  Other than the joy of knowing he did his part.  My mother never told us that dad was a bad man, or why there was a divorce.  Dad never told us that she was a terrible wife, or that he was glad they had split up.  It was what they never did that was "the right thing to do".  Ignorance is not bliss but there are those in this world who do not understand the code of silence that "brings healing".  I wondered why, when I was young, nobody felt like "filling in the holes".  We have all seen the advise columns, and read the reasons why people should not say on their death-beds "I had another family.  I never told you about them."  Or on the death-bed to hear the reason for a divorce.  Some people have a need to "confess their past sins" - the load of guilt they unleash upon your head by telling you is "cruel and unusual punishment".

Every man that becomes a father learns the truth.  Every man that is no longer a boy realizes he has made mistakes, and he has not done what was required of him, now and then. Most men who become a father, and deals with his wife when she is tired and deals with his children when they are "frazzled" realizes, finally "that's why my father was not perfect".  We come to grips with our inadequacies and we realize we must forgive our fathers, and our brothers, and our mothers, and all the people we have known.  How can I not realize the toughness of the road when I have been down the same path?  Only a fool thinks that his parents should have been better when faced with the "mirror of time".  

So today is Father's Day, and the Hallmark company and the clones thereof, will be doing "boffo" business today.  We will call, we will drive and we will say a prayer if our dad is passed away, and tell God, "thank you that I had a father.  Thank you that I knew him.  Thank you that I have found out how hard it is to be a good person.  Thank you for all the days I knew him, and for every precious minute we shared.  Time is too short, and life is never long enough to thank those we should."  Time is the teacher that enables us to realize being a good mom or dad is paramount in the life of a child. 

Today Lynnette and I, and Jennifer and Joey, and Kurt, drive to Aptos.  We share lunch with my dad, and I have the joy of honoring him.  I know that I need not be honored.  I was never divorced.  I have had my cake and I enjoyed eating it too.  I get to be a daddy, and a granddaddy, and I get to honor my dad today.

It is a darned nice day to live above the grass.  Happy Father's Day,

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