by Vivian Mark

Created on: July 11, 2010

Insecurities will often arise in a healthy or unhealthy relationship.  Whether a relationship can be the most compromising and sane or the most destructible and insane, insecurities will often linger either in the forefront or in the background.  However, do insecurities always ruin or break a relationship or can insecurities be seen in a more positive light?

Firstly, what are insecurities? Insecurities are feelings of worrisome about the relationship, questioning the trust and bond that holds the relationship together.  Insecurities can range from feeling inadequate about your position as the significant other to questioning the fidelity of a significant other.  Either way, insecurities are insecurities...they all have a common ground that questions the relationship and its entirety, which can potentially break up a relationship.

Secondly, why does it happen? Insecurities may happen due to a haunting past of either one or both spouses.  Perhaps a bad experience with their last relationship caused them to have doubts and insecurities in their next relationship.  External factors and influences, such as family, friends, and peers can cause someone to start doubting their relationship.  It’s not just words that can persuade someone otherwise about their relationship but just observing other people’s relationships can invoke some sort of doubt within the relationship, especially when there are similarities between the two relationships and the assumption that the same path or fate will follow. 

Thirdly, what can be done to overcome these insecurities? Truth be told, insecurities are hard to overcome, as trivial as they are.  Especially when something terrible has happened to one in the past, a person can’t help but wonder if it might happen again.  I guess no one really thinks about the fear of being in the same position again...making the same mistakes twice.  However, it wouldn’t be fair to punish the next significant person in your life due to a bad relationship from the past.  Compromise and a bit of trust comes a long way and it takes two people to act upon those actions and make the relationship work.  No one can really help a person overcome their insecurities except for themselves and there shouldn’t be any pressure or deadline to get over those insecurities.  It takes time and patience to get over certain doubts, especially if someone has been traumatized by it. 

Yes, insecurities can break a relationship because essentially, no matter what the insecurity is about, it is the questioning and doubt of the bond and trust of the relationship.  Insecurities will definitely break a relationship if those insecurities keep escalating and manifests into something unhealthy.  If your insecurities still persists and turn into something uncontrollable within your relationship, perhaps it is a sign that the relationship isn’t as great as one thought it was.  However, if that significant other can understand those insecurities and help their partner get through it with reassurance, stability, consistency, patience, and respect, then that’s a relationship worth fighting for and worth sticking around.  I guess insecurities can strengthen a relationship after all, if the work and effort gets put into it. 

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