by Elaine M. Doxie

Created on: July 11, 2010

Intimacy is an important element of any relationship.  It can be tempting, however, to stop the intimacy when things aren't going as they should.  If we're not having our other needs met by our partner, we lose all desire to satisfy one another's sexual needs and desires.  While this may seem natural, it is one of the things that can drive a wedge even further between you.  The best ways to solve marital conflicts involve facing them head on and solving them together.  This brings a couple closer, and creates more intimacy rather than taking the intimacy out of your relationship. 

Often, we get so tied up in the little annoyances of daily life that we forget to appreciate one another.  This is the time that it is most tempting to shun one another, but also the time that we need it the most.  As my older sister once told me, "sex can cloud your judgement."  Sometimes in marriage, we need our judgement to be a little bit clouded, so that we don't get so easily caught up in the little things our partner does to annoy us.  I would also add, that in marriage, a lack of sex can cloud your judgement in a bad way.  It makes you more aware of all the reasons that your partner "doesn't love you."  Maybe they didn't clean up as soon as you would have after dinner, or they made a dinner that wasn't your favorite.  Maybe they forgot to put the cap back on the toothpaste when they were done with it.  Normally, these things would go unnoticed or not bother you, but when the intimacy level goes down, so does your tolerance level.

If it's a more serious issue, you need to be able to communicate with one another.  In marriage, intimacy is a huge part of communication, and should not be overlooked.  It doesn't have to be sex necessarily either.  It may be just cuddling up by the firelight, or even in bed and talking.  This puts you both more at ease, and helps you to communicate more effectively.  When you are able to communicate effectively, you are more able to work through any problem that may come up. Shutting down intimacy also shuts down communication, and this can lead to the end of a relationship.  If you're going to take that drastic a step, you need to be prepared that it may be the end.

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