by Gabriella Samms

Created on: July 08, 2010   Last Updated: July 11, 2010

I constantly hear a dreaded statement from many of my adults friends who gave birth to children that have recently grown to the age of twenty-one.  I am sucked into these conversations either by phone, in person or email.  The problem is, I know when they’re beginning to say the words that baffle me to the core, because they have this desperate tone when uttering the words: “What can I do, she’s twenty-one”?

This question always falls on the heals of my adult friends complaining about their children that have reached the age of twenty-one, still live at home, and seem to be oblivious to responsibility or parental respect. “What can I do, she’s twenty-one”? 

Because freedom of speech is my right, I expect my friends to accept my answer without feeling I’ve attacked their intelligence. I also believe that I have the right to say anything about a can of worms that has been opened for me to see.

My first response to the “What can I do…..” question is, “Who’s the parent, you or her”? This always leads into a response that they are aware they are the parents, but just by them asking that question, makes me doubt their belief in it. It is almost as is they are afraid to enforce a rule, or afraid to continue enforcing the ones set in place before that majical birthday.

To all the parents out there that have a daughter nearing her twenty-first birthday, a daughter who has already reached the age of twenty-one or daughters that are older then that: it's time you "Cowboy up and be the boss". The very fact that you are complaining to me about your 21ers tells me that there is much confusion in the household as to who is boss and who isn’t. Turning sixteen means you can drive alone, turning eighteen means you can vote, and turning twenty-one means you can drink in bars. Other then that, there really isn’t a difference. You need to let your girls know that they didn't change at the stroke of twelve the night before; they just lived another year. Their brain hasn't grown into a completely mature person overnight; otherwise, they would know that one day older doesn't make a difference.

The problem with many parents today, especially mothers, is that they have entwined their lives into the fabric of their daughters. They want to act as best friends and by doing so, have great conflict when the word “no” is warranted. They either refrain

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