by Ruth Weidemeyer

Created on: July 08, 2010

Mom had a doctor’s appointment and Dad was terribly concerned that she would get a shot. He can’t remember the word for it, but he will grab anyone’s available arm and jab his thumb and first finger knuckle into the crook of their elbow as if drawing blood – over and over, startling, amusing, or putting off people as he goes. Most people are patient while he fumbles for words, demonstrating what he’s trying to say, then smile with pity as he turns to Mom and questioningly mimes and utters random words trying to determine if she is getting a shot.

On this day, the doctor was once again supposed to address her ability to drive, but first he had to do some other check-up type things to legitimize (in her mind) the visit.

Dad was especially agitated that day and when the nurse came in, he refused to take a seat. I asked, gestured, pointed, repeated, asked, pleaded – nothing was getting him into a chair. I even tried the magic, “Mom said…” that had been working very well up to this point. “Mom said” didn’t work this time, probably because he was so agitated his only lifeline was the fact that Mom actually was right there in the room, he could see she didn’t say anything of the sort.

The nurse needed Dad to sit down but he wouldn’t listen to her either. Mom seemed oblivious to the struggle and was trying to talk to the nurse to answer an earlier question.  The nurse's attention had been diverted to Dad.

me: Dad, please sit down.

nurse: Bill, please have a seat.

me: Dad, Mom said please sit down.

nurse: Bill, I need for you to sit over there.

me: Mom, please tell Dad to sit down.

me: Dad, please sit down.

nurse: Bill sit here in this chair.

We repeated this for quite a while. It felt like we were sitting front row at a ping-pong match, back and forth, back and forth. Then, inspiration…

me: Mom, Dad said to tell him to sit down.

mom: Bill, sit down!

Dad sat! It was as if a game of musical chairs was being played and the music had stopped.

The nurse and I exchanged glances. “Wow!”, I said. “Now that’s good training.. I need to learn that technique!”

“Mom said” works on Dad, sometimes.

“Dad said” works on Mom, sometimes.

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