by Sara W.

Created on: July 07, 2010   Last Updated: July 30, 2010

Dearest Oscar and Calvin,

I have no idea where you are now, but maybe some force of the cosmos will deliver this message to you both. Some may ask me how a mother could give up her sons, placing their permanent custody into the hands of a perfect stranger. I don't know, and I hope you don't hold it against me.

As you remember, our last moment together was your bath. I remember kneeling over the tub, weeping like a fool, scrubbing your backs, bellies, even behind your ears. Not wanting your new family to think I had reared you with bad hygiene, I also gave you both a good nail trimming. Then to end it all, I bundled you in the softest towels from the closet. You were finally ready, and I put you to bed. More tears and kisses.

Your new father came the next evening to pick you up. He ushered you into the backseat of his red Toyota sedan; you complied reluctantly. The fear in your eyes was unforgettable. More uncontrollable sobbing ensued after you were gone. I didn't want to make an embarrassment of myself.

Then the flood of memories came. Thank goodness, for the most memorable times were not anything to cry about now that you were gone. Oscar, I'll never forget the time you engorged yourself on the aged manure in the garden, and then unleashed blasts of explosive diarrhea onto my bedroom wall. And as if that alone wasn't bad enough, the icky brown stuff dripped down between the wall and baseboard. Had the house been old, I may not have been so upset. But it wasn't, it was brand new. NEW!

Then there were all the times that you both refused to mind. Your strong-willed tempers and the way you would ignore my commands was unnerving. Your bad attitudes were a constant thorn in your father's and my flesh. After all we did for you, fed you, clothed you, gave you toys, you still ran away from home any chance you had. We were fortunate to get you back when you got lost in the city once.

Speaking of your toys, it was as if you never appreciated anything your father and I gave you. We lavished you with the finest toys, but you would have them torn to shreds within minutes, even seconds. Our friends would want to come for dinner just to watch you receive a new toy. No sooner would the two of you have a toy that you would fight over it and rip it into two. Our friends laughed, yes, but would they have tolerated that behavior in their own homes? I highly doubt it. More embarrassment.

Even with all of these horror stories, I still loved you both. It is my earnest hope that you do not believe we gave you away simply because you were naughty. No, it had nothing to do with all that. Your father lost his job, and when he found another we had to move to a small one-room apartment. The new place was going to be too small for our family of four. But I know that you were much to young to understand all that.

One thing I do hope you understand is this: I'll never forget either of you. I have very fond memories from the short time we lived together. But now that you are gone, I must keep reminding myself of the truth that you were just dogs.

Your new father called the other day to say that you had run away. I'm sure you finally found whatever it was you were looking for in the big, wide world. It would be nice to hear from you, but I'm sure you've put the past in the past. Just know this, you two left such a big impression on your father and me that we won't soon adopt any more dogs. We've been dog-free since you rode away in that Toyota.

Your memories make me smile and laugh, but I have no idea why I cried. I must have been having a temporary moment of insanity.

Love,

Mom

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