by Jessica Kuzmier

Created on: July 07, 2010

Everyone has a past, something that they have to live with. As a peace activist and a human rights advocate, I have my own issues from the past, which have led to the life of service I lead today. My hope is by sharing my testimony, you will be inspired to change your own life, and realize that there is always hope for change.

During my college years, I was a very angry lady. The why doesn’t really matter here, because to me it comes off as an excuse or justification for bad or inappropriate behavior. Let’s just say, it was very easy to cross me. Even the two times I fell in love, a time that should be a wonderful time in a young woman’s life, was marred by this. A list of my life before could easily explain why the anxiety ripped into me so much that I couldn’t be a civil individual for any length of time, but it certainly didn’t mean that anyone deserved to be on the receiving end of this.

But where the hope lies in all of this, is that even though this is how I started out, I didn’t have to stay this way. Even though for many years I remained broken, God extended enough grace to me to remind me of his mercy. Or, to probably put it more accurately, I grabbed onto Him just enough to not fall completely. This life that God has gifted me with was full of lessons of compassion, if only I had the eyes to see it. I can’t even describe to you how many examples that I ran into along the way, many times in unexpected fashion. Grace has a way of being that way; it is not an accident that God is pure compassion. The only work I did at all to achieve this was to accept the gift healing that came across my way.

I am glad that I have chosen the path of forgiveness, both of myself and others. To anyone struggling with this issue, please remember that forgiveness is a choice. It doesn’t necessarily mean reconciling directly, but it does mean letting go of any bitterness so you can be free to live your life fully. And it is a work in progress: I found out just recently an area where I need to forgive myself, which I prayed and meditated to achieve, along with the support of others.

After dealing with this issue and experiencing God’s compassion, I see where it is possible to choose to love all people as my brothers and sisters. We are all in this planetary journey together, and phenomena such as global warming and the Internet show how interconnected we are. When I choose to extend love to someone from the past, a disappeared person I will never meet, or the grocery clerk down the road, I am sowing a seed that will be felt everywhere. If I can accept my past with its shadows, I can accept yours.

Remembering how I affect others keeps me aware of my actions, and to create peace, I must be peace. To create change, I must be the change. To me, my past reminds me of where I came from. I don’t have to wallow in guilt, but it would be counterintuitive to forget about it entirely. If I remember where I came from, I have a better chance to chart where I am going. But to forget it completely would blind my vision of the future.

To all who have read this, whether you know me personally or not, thank you for your time. I hope you have gotten something out of this essay that will better help live your lives the way God intended it. I hope it will, as Paul says, help you to better live at peace with others, wherever possible (Romans 12:18). May God's peace be with all of you, always.

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