by Stacey Smith

Created on: July 06, 2010

The American way of life is grounded in the concept of “give and take” and much of our world today focuses on this reciprocal way of life. It is the idea that if we give something to someone, we can or should expect to get something in return: This would be the “take” part of the equation. Since the “give” and the “take” are connected in this saying, most of us only give if we can expect to get something out of it. This standard has not only become common, but is the way most of us seem to approach our lives and others.

We can witness this dynamic in all our affairs, from business to education, but it seems to yield the most devastating consequences in our own interpersonal relationships.  With a divorce rate in the United States of over 50% for first marriages and over 70% for second marriages, we see the morbid consequences of this “me” mentality.  When you ask most divorcees why their marriage failed, you will get a wide range of answers. But, if you really listen to what they say, their specific reasons are unimportant. Most of the reasons are focused on what “I” am not getting from the relationship; not enough time, not enough love, not enough sex, not enough money, not enough fun, my spouse isn’t this, my spouse isn’t that. In negotiations of the heart, it appears as if most of us aren’t getting what we expected out of love.  And, when this happens, we call it quits and find someone new: Game over.

Thank goodness there are still examples in this world of a different mentality. There isn’t a catch phrase to identify it and very few human beings seem to understand its’ value, but it does still exist.  This concept is love: The type of love that focuses on the “give” and isn’t very concerned with the “take.” There are famous proponents of this concept like Gandhi and Mother Teresa, but we can also see examples of this in our every day lives when we pay close attention. And, like Elbert Hubbard said, “One great, strong, unselfish soul in every community could actually redeem the world.” Just for today, don’t focus on what you can get out of life and the people you share it with, but instead give without expectation and do your share to redeem the world.

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