by Russell Roper

Created on: July 05, 2010   Last Updated: July 11, 2010

For a child life can be challenging, stressful, and a myriad of emotional ups and downs. These tend to gain in severity as the child grows older, primarily the pre-teen and teenage years. There is one issue during these times that is very important and that is the support of the parents.

Parental support for children at this age is like a security blanket. While they are old enough to be somewhat independent, the fact that they can count on mom and/or dad is a great reassurance for them. But, children are not automatically assured of this support, it is up to the parents to provide this comforting feeling.

There are many ways to provide your children with a sense of security and that they can rely on your support. One of the primary methods is to begin developing trust with the child from a very early age. This can be as simple as promising the child you will take them to the park, and then actually doing it. Parental excuses, if done on a regular basis, can begin to make the parent appear unreliable in the mind of a child. If it continues, it can instill a feeling in the child that they are less important to the parent than other people and things.

Another focus point of the parent should be listening to the child. This can develop into a positive relationship as the child grows. By listening, the parent is telling the child that they, as well as, what they have to say are important to them. This comforts the child, in that they feel comfortable discussing things with their parents. When they feel the parents are willing to hear them, regardless of the topic, they appear supportive, understanding, and approachable.

Once children have determined their parents are available to them, they begin to feel “comfortable” around their parents. This “comfort” is when the child knows their parents are supportive and can be trusted with any situation that may arise. But, as the parent, you will still have issues that will require the relationship with the child to be strengthened, typically the early teens.

The parent child relationship that was developed during their earlier years was fine, but now the situations can be more serious. When the child has the freedom to start going places with their friends, the possibility for “trouble” is much greater. Because of this, the parent must be willing to exercise the same understanding as before, or the relationship can suffer.

During discussions of such incidents parents must refrain from appearing distrustful, critical of the child or their friends, or forbidding. Any of these actions can sabotage the child's trust in the parents support and leads to a breakdown in their ability to communicate. While the child will understand the parent's dissatisfaction with their actions and the punishment being applied, it must be comparable to past disciplines. If the punishment appears out of character of the parent then this too can damage the communication between parent and child.

Typically, for the child to feel they have parental support simply requires trust, open communication, and the child feeling secure with the parent. If started at an early age, nurtured and maintained, the parent child relationship will grow into a strong and loving team.

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