As a Humanist minister, I am often called upon to officiate weddings, so I would like to offer my own insights on what is really important to your wedding ceremony.

Almost every couple spends great amounts of time and money on attire, flowers, food, hall, music, themes (if any), invitations, and every other aspect of their wedding right up to planning the honeymoon. However, it is often the case that one of the last things they think about is the ceremony. I find this odd because, in the end, it is the ceremony that matters most of all - not for the pomp and circumstance - but for the words used, the promises made, and the commitment shared.

What you actually say to each other during that wedding ceremony should never be just read off of a script. It should be given careful thought, personalized wherever necessary or possible, and agreed upon by both of you. All the other details of putting a wedding together are insignificant in comparison to the commitment the two of you are making to each other. That is what really matters, and in fact, the only thing that matters.

There are certain prescribed parts to a wedding ceremony. Usually there is an introduction and short statement by the officiant that acknowledges the reason you both are there, and reminds you of the commitment you are making to each other. Depending on the ceremony, there may be a section for the bride to be given away, or the much dramatized "Does anyone object?" question. (I never use that question, as I feel that if there were any legitimate objections, they should have been brought to light long before the couple is standing before me.)

Depending on the religious and personal preferences of the couple, there may be readings from the Bible, poetry, or a musical interlude during the ceremony. This would usually take place either before the vows or between the vows and the ring exchange.

The next segment is, without question, the most important part of the entire ceremony - the vows. This is where you will each promise not only to love each other and be faithful to each other, but depending on the words you choose, many other things as well. One of my favorite ceremonies contains the following set of wedding vows:

(____________), I accept you as my wife, with all your strengths and weaknesses.

I promise to share what I have and who I am.

I promise to keep you in times of heartache;
celebrate life with you in joy;
and receive you as my equal,

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