by Melissa Close-Swickard

Created on: July 04, 2010   Last Updated: July 05, 2010

Mention the word “in-laws” and some of you probably think of “outlaws.” The latter word shall be used in this article because in-laws have the tarnished reputation of seizing power when you least expect it, as any good outlaw would do. And the thing is, there is nothing you can do about their outlandish behaviors; accept them as they are and you will avoid a few extra gray hairs.

It doesn’t matter if you have the ability to befriend many different types of people, because that does not necessarily include the outlaws. You may have a flair for making others feel accepted and appreciated, while the outlaws ignore you in times of need and offer no support.  If this is you, you are often torn apart much more than others would have ever guessed because of your perceived flawless disposition or because you married into a dim-witted outlaw family.  You have a job, a home, good kids, why should the outlaws want to help you and your spouse when they have spawned druggie, job-less, “dullest-knife-in-the drawer” people who need them more than you do? That is how they see it and you cannot change that; you can only change your reaction to feeling ignored.  It seems that the outlaws are always there for the adult children who have no clue about the world around them. However, look at your own family, if you are the smart one, chances are, you are on your own; if you are the dim-wit, you are probably surrounded with all kinds of expressions of love and support.

When difficult subjects come up, that is when it is time to let your spouse take charge. It is their family, therefore, their problem. Remember, your kin are outlaws too and so you already have your hands full. If your spouse has a fight with his or her family, try not to get thrown in the middle by involving yourself in their antics. Reserve your energy for when you are busy taking sides with your own family. You don’t need more drama!

When you marry someone, the old adage that “you also marry the family” holds true. You are expected to attend family functions, no matter how much you would prefer staying home, and grouting your tile. Whether or not you fit into the outlaw family mold doesn’t matter, you are the outsider and thus, the target of ridicule. Outlaws may be friendly in your presence, but they will talk behind your back. Once in a while they will take a stab at you with ridiculous innuendoes, but it is important that you don’t let them know that they are getting under your skin.

One of the surest ways to end a marriage is to constantly condemn your spouse’s family. Family is forever (in most cases), but you are replaceable and it is not your spouse’s fault that the outlaws are promoting a hostile environment or in some instances, a non-existent environment. If the outlaws treat you unfairly, your spouse will eventually see it and if he or she chooses to do nothing about it, the avoidance technique may be best for you.

There is nothing wrong with having your own celebrations at home, but never insist that your spouse cut the outlaw ties. It is okay to excuse yourself from outlaw gatherings. If the family truly does not like you, they won’t care one way or the other if you are there.  And without you there, they will definitely not run out of conversation.

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