by Veronica Bergschneider

Created on: July 03, 2010

The death of a parent can happen at any time during a person’s life. Whether it happens expectedly or suddenly, the support of a true friend helps immensely in pulling the grieving person through. The question becomes how does a person show that support for his or her friend during this difficult time?

Oftentimes, the depth of the friendship will determine exactly how to help the friend. Also, the means of finding out the news will play into this. For example, a casual friend from work might appreciate hearing condolences over the phone after you have seen the obituary. In this circumstance, sending a card or online condolences, perhaps a fruit basket would be welcome.

However, when a close friend loses a parent, many people will be compelled to do more. When the news first arrives by telephone, try to engage the grieving person in conversation and find out what he or she needs help in doing. If he or she is too consumed by grief to talk and is a very close friend, make all arrangements possible to be with the person. Sometimes, it is not what one says, but simply being there with the friend and providing whatever comfort is possible that really matters.

For those close friends, hugs, lending a shoulder to cry on, and other such acts provide the most comfort. Some people need to be taken out for meals as they grieve to provide a sense of normalcy and comfort through things they always did with friends, while others may prefer to withdraw from most people and only talk to their closest companions. In these circumstances, it is a true privilege to be one of the close ones to the grieving person and be able to help through words and actions.

Going to the viewing, funeral or memorial service of a friend’s parent shows a great sign of support. This can be done as a pallbearer, or simply as one who hugs the grieving friend. After these services are done, and the other guests go home, though, is the most crucial time to show the friend your support. Be sure to stay in touch by telephone, e-mail, in person chatting and however else you normally would. Give the grieving person as much time and patience as possible, letting him or her decide when to share photographs and stories that might aid in the healing process. Above all, make sure each year around the anniversary of the parent’s birth, death, and marriage to let your friend do what he or she needs to come to terms with the death having happened, especially in the first several years.

Even though losing a parent is one of life’s hardest times, people do eventually recover from it. For many, the support of close friends helps the most. This type of support and friendship also gives the person a feeling of family nearby that can help more than anything when biological family is far away or emotionally absent. Supporting one another through times such as these often forges even stronger bonds of friendship, and the strongest friendships convey the most trust and survive the longest.

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