by Greg W Huffman

Created on: July 02, 2010   Last Updated: August 21, 2010

Why are Americans so obsessed with the apocalypse when we should be honing our ocean plumbing skills?  We are trying to predict the end of the world and we can't fix a leaking pipe in the Gulf of Mexico.  We need to get our priorities in order.  Predicting the number of women that have been with Tiger Woods would be harder than determining the date of the apocalypse.  Mankind is obsessed with predicting everything.  We discovered an ancient Mayan calendar, and now we think the world will end in 2012.  I wonder who Miss September was on the ancient calendar?  Mayans were experts at cutting hearts from the chests of human victims.  I guess this qualifies them to be experts in astrology and determining when civilization will end.  The Mayans must have burned their predictions pertaining to Hitler, Saddam, and Boy George.  I should cut out someone's heart so that I can reveal the secrets behind  Michael Jackson's lethal dose of Jesus juice.. 

Humanity is obsessed with the apocalypse for many reasons.  Some want to be credited with the ability to foresee the future.  Some are religious zealots who want their flock to return to the heart of religion.  They use the thought of the apocalypse to scare them back to church.  There are others who follow the signs foretold in the Book of Revelation to draw parallels with current events. 

Mankind wants to know when the end of the world is coming so that they can make their last minute peace with their creator.  Most people realize that with all the war, sex, drugs, and rock and roll - that society is deteriorating.  I think that the obsession with the apocalypse is rooted in the fear of punishment for all the indiscretions committed during a lifetime.  The fear of the party coming to an end rattles fear into the hearts of those who live life to the fullest.

There have been figures throughout history who believed that they uncovered the secrets of the apocalypse.  Nostradamus wasn't able predict that Ellen DeGeneres was a lesbian.  This was a world changing revelation that was missing from his vast collection of quatrains.  The Bible codes and DaVinci codes are thought to have information pertaining to the apocalypse.  Where are the lottery codes?  We can't predict the Power ball numbers on any given night of the week.  How are we going to predict the end of the world.

Humanity should start worrying about more important things.  Things that we can solve.  Let's be obsessed with taming down Lady Gaga's make-up. 

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