by Josephine Polifroni

Created on: July 01, 2010   Last Updated: July 02, 2010

Reverse psychology is a complicated tool that can be used to control a child's behavior but it is not to be used lightly as it can easily have a negative impact. If used too often or incorrectly or in matters that are too important to be left to “trick” discipline, your child's self-esteem and indeed your entire relationship with them can be badly affected.

Make no mistake about it: reverse psychology is the opposite of a direct, honest exchange with your child. It also sets the stage for your tacit acceptance of their defiance. It does not matter if they are really doing what you wanted in the first place; in their minds they have disobeyed you without consequence. At the same time, used judiciously, you can use reverse psychology to smooth over some of the smaller, annoying moments of your day while you work toward a more open and appropriate relationship with your child.

Reverse psychology seeks to persuade by convincing someone to behave the way you want, by advocating the opposite behavior. This works well with those who are contrary and resistant to persuasion by other means relying on the phenomenon of reactance. These people are more likely to choose the option that is persuaded against.

This is where the first difficulty arises. In advocating the behavior you do not want, you are in effect lying to your child. By choosing the behavior you are against, the child is willfully disobeying you and you are letting them.

Regarding this, it is better to use reverse psychology with a light tone in situations that are less important and to phrase it as though it were a challenge rather than a direct order. If telling your child to pick up their toys involves a long battle, then challenge them in some way to do it by either telling them you don't think they can do it in so many minutes or you don't think they can fit everything back properly. This way they are challenged to do it but if your tone is light and does not imply you really think they are not capable, your child may take up the challenge and perform the task.

In a similar way, dinner can be made less stressful by challenging your child to eat something they may not care for in a time limit. Again, you would use a light tone and bet they cannot finish in a certain number of minutes or they cannot eat the item sooner than a friend.

You can also use their refusal to present a consequence that is contrary to their desires. If a child does not want to take a bath but the consequence is an earlier

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