by Allison Felton

Created on: June 30, 2010

Watching children grow up is rather like watching a fireworks display, they are amazing, sometimes even spectacular and always full surprises. For example the other day my pre-teen daughter told me she wants to be a director when she grows up, and it seemed to be such a fit for her although that is not her only aspiration she actually wants to be an actress/singer/director when she grows up. The amazing thing is she has the potential to do all three, she has quite a beautiful singing voice and she has been acting in local and church plays since she was a toddler (mostly her idea not mine) as far as the director bit goes, she is a little on the bossy side, but she is a benevolent ruler only telling others what to do for their own good.

The thing that truly amazes me is where in the world did she come by these spectacular qualities? For me this is no nature versus nurture debate. Our job as parents is to nurture the best of what nature or perhaps depending on your belief system what God has given them. Unfortunately her father and I can't take the credit for for these wonderful qualities she possesses, neither of us can sing or act and well, okay, were probably both a little bossy, but hey we are parents. We can however take credit for encouraging our children's interests even if they are vastly different from our own. I don't by any means think we qualify for parents of the year but I think we have finally stumbled on to a parenting key.

 Back in college when I first studied the whole nature versus nurture debate I was definitely more on the nurture side of things, of course that was before I had kids. Another amazing thing I have discovered is how many ideas on raising kids went out the window when I actually had them. Now I realize how intertwined the whole thing really is. I think having an understanding of who your children are as individuals not just small copies of ourselves is key to raising happy kids.

 I know that misunderstanding who a child is can be disastrous. I believe that is part of the problem with my step son who is now grown and avoids us like the plague and although he has some amazing qualities, I think he struggles to understand himself and I believe we failed to help him do this. We had a preconceived notion we could make him be want we wanted him to be and fit him into that mold. We did mean well, however I can say with confidence and from painful experience it does not work to raise your children this way.

 I think there is a life lesson here, because in the end all we can do is the best we can do with what we have been given and certainly each person has some spectacular and amazing qualities, whether are not they ever discover them depends greatly on how they are raised.

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