by Susie M. Arviso

Created on: June 30, 2010   Last Updated: December 24, 2011

I am a mother of soldiers. I love my kids more than my own life. The relationships I have with them today - were fought for with love, efforts and prayer. One of those defining moments for me was when each one of them would be deployed to dangerous countries.

As they joined the military one by one, I was proud of them, yet at the same time presented with the challenge of thinking I could possibly lose one or more of the them.

How does a mother trust the Lord with her adult children in harm's way? First, she has no choice really. Second, if her relationship with God isn't solid and secure, it would be very hard to trust the Lord with them. A lot of sleepless nights and tears and bargaining with God.

Oh, I trust the Lord with my kids, yet I don't want to lose any of them. I realized that there are many mothers who felt the same way, who's soldiers didn't return alive. I also realized that my children are not mine, but God's. He gave them to me to raise and equip for life.

With two sons in the military (the other two on terminal leave), I'd pretty much blocked out any thoughts of losing them and stayed focused on praying for them. Yet  with one son in Afghanistan where the Taliban are most concentrated and active, it's been quite a challenge for me to rest inside.

I'd  always try, and then I'd be  right back to being very concerned. I didn't sleep too well those early days, but I found myself cherishing every memory I had with my sons.

My son Jaime, who has been in the Army for 8 years, deployed to Iraq twice, has made it back to the states unharmed, and is presently on terminal leave - raising the question : "Will my other two make it back as he has?"

I don't want to ask these questions, but they just come. I try to remember my children aren't mine, they're God's. They came from God, and they will return to Him. I try to recall every cherished memory I've had with them and thank God for entrusting them to me.

It's difficult for a mother to be  okay inside unless she knows her kids are okay. When children fall down and skin their knees, mom runs to them. When they veer off into a busy street, she grabs them. When she sees them hurt inside, she cries with them.

Yet this? She must trust God for them because that's all she can do and God has shown her already - what He is capable of.

I think about all the mothers who have lost their sons to this war, and the wars before it, and I wonder how they made it through. I want to talk to them. I want

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