by Brett Boston

Created on: June 28, 2010

Borrowing money will always cost more than you anticipate, even if it's just from a friend. Scratch that. Especially if it's from a friend. I refuse to borrow money from a friend.

But borrowing money isn't just risky for individuals, it's risky for countries. Countries like Romania, that is. 

Apparently the economy has gotten so bad in Romania the government is literally panhandling for money. Now I’m not one of those writers who says I get “literally blown away by something,” or that I’ve literally “screwed my girlfriend’s brains out.” No, my friends, when I say “literally,” I mean it. There’s no other way to describe what Romanian officials are doing these days.

And if you’re willing to donate to the Romanian government, there’s actually a website where you can fulfill your fantasies of helping a country on the other side of the world get back on its feet. I’m kidding, of course. Not about the website, though. That’s real.

This idea can be good and bad, but I think the bad far outweighs the good. Like I said, I personally have a policy that I don’t borrow money from friends (unless it’s coke money, which I always pay back). But if I were ever to need a few thousand dollars for something (like bail), I wouldn’t call a friend; I’d call someone in my family. Why? You never want to owe that much to a friend, because there’s no way you can ever pay him or her back.

Even if you’re eventually able to repay the loan, they will still hold it over your head. You’ll be a permanent fixture in your friends life with things like rides to the airport at 5:30 a.m. and rides home from the bar at 2 a.m. And if your unlucky enough to later find out that your friend is a sexual deviate, you’ll be the top candidate for a foursome with him and his wife—and his pet gerbil.

Worst of all, borrowing money from a friend means that person will constantly feel the need to insert his opinion on your life. Look, I already know that I have a hairy back, spindly legs, and a pillow in my bedroom that seems to be growing hair as fast as I’m losing it—I don’t need someone giving me advice on how to shave, workout, or where to buy Rogaine.

Then, of course, once that person is done chiding me on my poor health habits, he’ll inevitably ask a question referencing money. Something not-so-subtle like, “So, you’re still buying name brand cereal, huh?” Or “I saw the wonderwall in your bathroom. It still had some residue on it. I thought you were going to spend the money on something besides drugs.” That last one just doesn’t make sense. If I were going to quit spending money on drugs, I wouldn’t need a $2,500 loan. People don’t think, sometimes.

If borrowing money from a friend causes that many problems, just imagine what someone borrowing money from a few hundred friends will do. I can’t even imagine the disaster that’s waiting on deck for Romania. But when I read this story, I wondered something. What if someone donated enough money to cover the country’s entire debt? Would that person own the country? If that’s the case, I plan on getting on the phone with some investors tomorrow. As hip as vampires are these days, Transylvania has to be a hot commodity.

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