by Zawn Villines

Created on: June 22, 2010

The term frenemy has recently made its way into the pop culture lexicon and there is perhaps no person for whom this term is more applicable than the passive-aggressive friend. Passive-Aggressive behavior is destructive, hurtful and can be nearly impossible for its victims to manage. A friend who engages in passive aggressive can be extraordinarily hurtful, and the ease with which they get away with their hurtful behavior can be maddening. While the simple solution to a passive-aggressive friendship is to cut the friend out of your life, this is much easier said than done. After all, we choose our friends for a reason and your passive aggressive friend may have wonderful redeeming qualities. In short, it may not be necessary to give up hope on your friend. Here's how to turn your passive-aggressive frenemy into a true blue best friend:

If you want to stop a person's passive-aggressive behavior, you need to understand why they're engaging in it in the first place. Passive-aggressive people have found a way to stand up to people without being confrontational, and are typically most likely to engage in undermining behavior when their egos are bruised. Some examples of this kind of behavior can include:

-Backhanded compliments: "Oh, that dress looks much better on you than the things you usually wear!"
-Attacking a person's interests or character and then denying it: "I would never be able to do your job. It's just so boring. I don't mean you're boring. We're just different!"
-Gossiping about a person behind their back
-Periodically excluding you from the group for no apparent reason: "My friend all like to x" (and x is something you don't like!)
-Not showing up for planned outings

In some cases the passive-aggressive behavior is a way for them to punish you for some perceived slight. However, it's more likely that the passive-aggressive behavior has nothing to do with you. People generally don't engage in this kind of behavior with one person only; it's a relationship style as much as any other style, so someone who is passive-aggressive is most likely this way to varying degrees in all of their relationships.

The very best way to end the hurtful passive-aggressive behavior of a friend is to directly confront them. People engage in passive-aggressive behavior to avoid confrontation, so forcing a person to address her hurtful behavior automatically makes that behavior less likely to occur. It's important when confronting the behavior not to attack directly, but instead

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