by Cynna

Created on: February 28, 2007   Last Updated: January 04, 2010

Last month, I turned 23. The month prior to that, I started staring at myself in the mirror, desperately trying to figure out who was behind those eyes. In my opinion, 23 is the birthday that comes after the successes on a "normal" collegiate timeline.

You're supposed to graduate high school at 18, go to college, turn 21 and spend your senior year completely hammered. At 22, you're supposed to be done; cross the stage and get that piece of paper that cost you 22 years of your life and possibly tens of thousands of dollars. But I'm not there. I'm not even close. In fact, at 23, I changed my major and dropped the 198 hours I've already accomplished to focus on a more personal goal. In five months, I'll be living 1298 miles from home, focusing on myself.

I say all that to lead into this: last week I ended a six year relationship. At the age of 16, I met "the one". I knew it from the moment I saw him. And I spent everyday from that moment on desperately trying to get him and keep him. And it worked too, for the most part. But as I stared into those eyes in the mirror, I realized that I'm not the girl I was at 16, 18, or even 21. So maybe my man isn't who he was either? I sure as hell hope not. But I tried to figure out where and when we should have grown and developed that adult sense of reality. I'm not sure either of us have it yet, but I'm kicking and fighting to find mine. He is the love of my life, but I haven't figured out if that means I'm just supposed to remember him forever or if we really are meant to be together forever. What I have realized is that until I figure out who the hell I am, I can't love him the way he deserves to be loved. And the same goes for him too. He can't possibly be expected to love me the way I deserve to be loved or want to be loved if he's not happy with himself.

The key to a successful relationship: love yourself. Then you can love anyone you want to with all of your heart.

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