by Katherine Everett

Created on: June 18, 2010   Last Updated: June 24, 2010

As a woman in my thirties I have grown up with two step-parents. Being a step-parent is an incredibly difficult task at the best of times. You are not the biological parent but you have to care for the child as you would your own. You are expected to make all the right decisions as a ‘parent’ whether that be the natural or step parent. However the difference between biological and step parents is huge. When you are out, some kids will call you by your Christian name. Some kids fear that by calling a step-parent Mom or Dad they will upset their natural parents.

After many years as a step-child as well as now being a step-parent myself, I have a very different view on it all. I have a Stepdad who I call ‘Pops’, and my Stepmom has her own nickname which is ‘Bean’. Both are terms of endearment but I now realise makes a huge difference to them. As a child I didn’t want to upset the apple cart by having two people I called Mom and two I called Dad. Having said that, maybe if I would have called them Mom and Dad from a young age it would be more natural.

What I have learnt from my own experiences is that having Step-parents can be one of the best things that can happen to you as a child. Not only do you have double the love and care, you get double the personalities. You get to hear a different opinion, view or perspective from another adult who cares for you as much as your real parents. Calling step parents Mom or Dad has to come from the child and what they feel comfortable with. Having said that, even a term of endearment, such as I use, tends to make the Step-parent feel like they have their place in the child’s life.

If children do call their step parents Mom and Dad, it shows how much trust they have in that adult. They are part of their life and upbringing and by using the words show a level of respect that they feel for them. I understand that as a parent you may feel like it is only your right to get the title of Mom or Dad, but in all truth it is just a name. As a parent you should be happy that your children are blessed with enough adults to share their love and respect for them. My stepchildren do not call me Mom and that's okay. The only thing I ask is that know that they have my love and respect and always will no matter what. I am one of the lucky few that has four parents who I love all very deeply. I have managed to build relationships with all four of them and have learnt that being a step parent is no different to being a real parent.You might just find that you ‘title’ is slightly different to everybody elses.

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