by Sharon Meyer

Created on: June 18, 2010

When people think of adoption they usually relate it to a newborn baby however , some parents choose to by pass that newborn stage and adopt a much older child.

Choosing to adopt an older child can be a very rewarding experience but it does have it's challenges which should be considered before you even start the process of adoption.

What You Need To Know :

* Most likely an older child will already have known not only their birth parents but other foster families as well that cared for them during the time they were waiting to be adopted.  It's very important to your child that you acknowledge their past life and that you let them grieve the loss of these significant people from their past.  Allowing your child to laugh, cry and share their past life stories with you will help your child bond with you.  Remember, adoption can be a very scary thing for a child of any age.

* Never talk badly about your child's birth parent's or foster families in front of them. No matter how bad the past situations have been a child will always love their biological parents and may even have bonded with foster parents on some level. Any conversation should be child led with you as the parent agreeing with them and empathizing with them as needed. Some children may feel that any bad things that happened to them was their own fault and they will need you to help them understand that a child is never at fault.

* Depending upon your child's past life experiences and traumas you may find that your child's chronological age and developmental age are quite different.  A ten year old child chronologically may only be at seven or eight year old age developmentally.  If you find this to be true then you must parent your child from their developmental age and not their chronological age.  As long as the child does not have some type of disability then most of the time the developmental lags or discrepancies can be caught up to match the chronological age by proper parenting and nurturing of the child.

* Don't be afraid to seek out professional help if needed. Sometimes a child therapist or clinical social worker who is knowledgeable in the field of adoption can help mediate through family discussions and help with any problems you may encounter along the way. You may even decide to set this in place from the moment the child comes into your home even if you don't think you need it.  It is way easier to solve adoption problems as they arise rather than seeking out help after situations arise because then the child does not feel that people are ganging up against them.

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