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Who would ever know that someone less than two pounds and not but 12 inches tall could affect so many lives in just 16 days? But she did. Not just her mother, but dozens of nurses and doctors, the ambulance crew, her community and family that she would never meet.

I can undeniably tell you that a Cesarean section without anesthesia is not as painful as what would follow. Self doubt, questioning of faith, sense of failure, anger, fear, apathy, frustration,...just to name a few. The roller coaster toured every negative emotion that I could list. Yet still, there was some good.

Holding the smallest human I had ever seen was a tremendously rewarding experience. This tiny person fought harder than any prize fighter. Her strength emanated from her tiny frame like the warmth of a single sunbeam. She had spirit and strength that I thought only came from life experience. She had opinions, and, though she lacked the verbal ability, the spunk to let us know what they were.

Staring into her isolette, as she clutched the tip of my finger, I knew that she was fighting demons I would never know, and medical science would not explain in my lifetime. Suffice it to say, she fought the good fight.

When it was time for her to go, I wanted to give into the selfishness...tell the doctors, "Do whatever it takes." My broken heart knew, she hadn't the strength to finish that war. I felt that I had failed to protect her.

No matter how badly I wanted her to stay, she needed to be an angel for someone who needed her more than I. In that alone do I find peace and strength. Many have come to me to express sorrow, sympathy and pity; others to share empathy, faith, condolences and hope. Each one had something to share, even if I was not in the frame of mind to receive it. Looking back now, I needed each and every one of them to be able to survive this. Most of all, I needed 16 days with the strongest person I ever had the privilege to meet.

She had a bigger battle charge to lead and the courage to carry the flag.

Learn more about this author, Ann Marie Dwyer.
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