by Jo Anne-Patricia Piccarillo

Created on: June 17, 2010   Last Updated: June 18, 2010

Befriending your ex....a good idea or a doomed destiny?

Depends on the grounds the original relationship was based on. For example, if a relationship was based solely on sexual attraction, as failed relationships tend to be, there is no chance for a true friendship afterwards. This is simply because that same attraction would negate a strictly platonic friendship. However, if a relationship was based on a friendship, which most relationships should be, then of course it is a possibility to continue that friendship in the future. Now, whether that friendship could continue directly after the intimate relationship ending depends on the individual couple. Not all couples are strong enough for this "after-friendship." Personally, I believe that the lack of friendships after relationships derives from how emotional us women tend to be.

Of the failed relationships I have had, it was not possible to stay friends with most of my exes. However, my most recent ex is now one of my best friends. Why? Because friendship is how we based our relationship. When it comes to relationships, everything is not always hearts and flowers. You share good times together, endure bad times provoked by each other and then you live out and cherish the times that you are just regular people together. To me, there is nothing more precious that being in a relationship with someone who you can just sit back and enjoy life with; not just as your spouse but as your friend.

In a perfect world, every failed relationship could at least end in a lasting friendship. However, maintaining a friendship with your ex does not solely depend on the people who were in that relationship. Meddling with your ex could very well weigh a heavy burden on your present relationship. Since not everyone can handle a platonic relationship with their ex, not everyone could understand those who can....and do.  Let's look at the pros and cons.

From a female perspective, the biggest benefit of having your ex as a friend is like having your own personal inside trader. It is a person who knows you as a friend and as a girlfriend. Coming from a woman, we tend to go about life as if we do nothing wrong. We move into the next relationship without ever taking responsibility for what we did wrong in the last one. Having your ex as a friend could in fact help us to realize that we are making the same mistakes in our present relationships that we did in our past relationships. The same goes for guys as well. However,

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>