by Ra'Anan Elozory

Created on: June 17, 2010   Last Updated: June 18, 2010

To understand what an ideal bar mitzvah gift is, it makes sense to understand what a bar mitzvah is. It is a celebration of formally becoming obligated in the contract of love between G-d and the Jewish people as spelled out in the Torah/Jewish Bible. Since there are three levels of obligation within this covenant, it makes sense to try and give gifts that will assist in promoting the highest tier of that relationship, the level of Biblical commandments. Probably the most visible of the Biblical commandments is Tefillin which functions as a reminder that intelligence must rule emotions. Any book that explains the Biblical commandments or promotes their observance, then, is a worthy gift. Mere symbolic gifts, as Jewish as they may appear, do not accomplish this goal, so a necklace with a Star of David, I think, would be far less appropriate.

The second level of gifts promotes observance of rabbinical commandments which would include blessings before eating, observing Chanukah or Purim or promoting synagogue attendance, including reading/chanting from the Torah [Scroll]. The third level of bar mitzvah gifts promotes the observance of customs such as standing or sitting during havdalah, having one menorah for the whole family or one for each family member and such. This is really just a flavour of a Jewish obligation and is far less significant. The worst type of gift is one that only celebrates “cultural” Judaism such as eating so-called “Jewish” foods. This is why it is a definite faux pas to send gefilte fish as a bar mitzvah present.

The main goal of a bar mitzvah is to cause the new adult to feel good in his new relationship. We in Jerusalem do this by showing up en masse at his Torah reading and then by pelting him with candy after he’s completed the reading and by joyfully yelling “Mazal tov! Mazal tov!” We also have the custom of celebrating in an event hall where we can dance with him, eat and drink with him while listening to words of our wise sages as well as by the new adult himself. Our youngest son’s celebration got a little out of hand when his young friends stretched out a table cloth and suddenly we saw our young son flying high through the air as they turned the table cloth into a trampoline. It was quite symbolic since he has, thank G-d, grown spiritually higher and higher.

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