by CeeFatto

Created on: June 17, 2010

I guess I've waited long enough to keep quiet and assess my feelings on this "mother and daughter cannot get along" issue. I wanted to make sure that whatever I have to say is impartial of my feelings. Knowing myself, I tend to be subjectively emotional.

While it is true that my daughter may have felt the anguish of being neglected, it is also true that she is apparently going through the "what do I want to be?" "how should I feel?" "how should I act/react?" stage of adolescence. We all went through that confusing, if not terrifying, phase. In as much as we don't want to accept it now that we have grown out of it, we did over-react to at some instances at that time. And I think this is a good example of one of those instances.

This is not to say that I am inculpable. I admit that I am very much at fault for aggravating the affliction by being pre-occupied 99% of the time, which makes me a candidate for the "unfit mother" crown. However, being pre-occupied does not necessarily mean I am totally unaware of the "goings-on". In fact, I am in the know. And this "lack of concern" is but a way of showing who is the adult in the house.

For instance: I assigned chores to be done on a regular basis - regardless of any situation that could have prevented the completion of the task. (Except of course, in extreme cases). Are the chores being accomplished on that "regular" basis? NOPE. And these are not difficult or overwhelming chores (as compared to what we had on our plates during our times). Therefore, the mother in me reacts in a variety of emotion: anger, annoyance, frustration, etc. Until finally, one has to give up. The mother.

Would you have held a grudge against your child for what she had put you through? Of course not. All you can do is to step back and reposition. And that I did (and still do). And in so doing, I encroach myself into impassiveness so that I can give the impression of "You don't abide by my rules, then I don't care - you're on your own". (This mode of action may be not frowned upon by the majority of you-mothers. But hey, again, I say: to each his own). The advantage of this, on the other hand, is finding out how the child will carry through, given the situation. In this case, I found out that she understands what it is to be independent and strives to be one.
The downside: oftentimes, the feeling of helplessness on my part overpowers all senses of direction. The seemingly loss of control of authority cripples the goal of putting things in perspective. Hence the giving in and the giving up. Temporarily. Until all participants in this drama are back to their normal selves ... and they will - live happily ever after. (I'm glad that made you fall asleep. I always thought I am a good story-teller!)

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