by Leastone

Created on: February 28, 2007   Last Updated: April 25, 2007

The great secret of peaceful, harmonious, and loving relationships presented itself to me quite unexpectedly. I discovered the principle of reciprocal respect and consideration while sitting in a large park in an American city some twenty six years ago.

I had gone there just to relax, read, and write a letter. But before long, I started to observe two young men engage in a game of Frisbee. Now, this was something new to me at the time, and I watched with interest as they skillfully passed the flying object to and fro. I discerned that while the Frisbee was in the air, in flight, there was a game going. The moment it dropped to the ground, however, when the catcher failed to catch and return it, the game would be interrupted. The flight would have to start all over again. The quality of the game, I realized, lies in the quality of the flight; how smooth that goes; how long it lasts; and in what manner it engages both players.

My eyes were really opened when a friend of the two players showed up.

He entered the park on crutches, and then took a seat leaning against a picnic table, with the crutches next to him, also resting against the table. After a while, he also wanted to have a go at throwing the Frisbee. It dawned on me that while his arms were free, he would be able to make a throw. He would not, however, be able to run around to catch a returning Frisbee-his arms would be tied to his crutches if he were to move about.

The only way he could participate fully would be if the incoming Frisbee was delivered to him exactly where he was at, so that, with the least exertion, he could take hold of it.

Enlightenment came.

I began to see that the quality of the flight of the Frisbee had everything to do with how it was served to the opposite player. What is more, I saw that the lessons hidden here was applicable to the interaction of any kind of relationship.

My later reflections made me realize that the normal way of serving others contained so much self-interest that the recipient's benefit was hardly a consideration. And that self-love severely impacted the quality of any interaction; doomed the loveliest of potential relationships.

Consider a game of Frisbee, where your opposite player had you running this way and that, exhausting you in your attempts just to catch his wild deliveries. Such a game would not last too long, and certainly would not motivate you to deliver the Frisbee to him in a different manner.

Our usual (unreformed) approach to serving may be likened

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