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of expensive clothes that adorn the fortunate ones, desperately trying to avoid eye contact with the cleavages that pore over the daily papers that remind me of the display outside the corner shop on Open all hours!' I sometimes ponder the dress code adopted by the fairer sex, are they dressing in such a way to intimidate any poor soul who couldn't concentrate on higher things, is it a ploy or is it an unconscious thing? We are not all Sid James!

I was once working on a train and noticed two glamorous ladies in there mid twenties. It was the last train at night and saw they were getting quite a bit of attention from the optimistic revellers making their way home, well I assume home! I politely checked their tickets and to create a conversation I innocently asked where the boys were tonight? It is not unusual for train crew to calm a situation and any potential problems that may arise. The answer left me stumped, the young lady smiled as she spoke provocatively back "we don't need men, and I bet you would like to watch!" The two then giggled and kissed. Their expressions changed slightly as they saw my heart sink. I sat down opposite and gave a disappointed sigh. I explained the question posed was a difficult one, if I said yes I would give one impression and if I said no, another one. I went on to explain the only person I had any desire to see the contents of their underwear is the one I married in nineteen eighty one, any others was not any of my business. The question poser smiled back saying I was a rare breed and very lucky. Well maybe I am. I thanked them and carried on with my duties.
The late trains in particular tend to be livelier than the one I was travelling on and once I had achieved my aim I sat down and drank the corporate priced drink.
While enjoying the prefabricated coffee in the prefabricated cups we listened inadvertently to one side of a mobile telephone conversation, a Lady two seats away was in deep discussion with someone and took great delight in describing her pink suitcase, her Red or Dead' laptop bag and her cerise suit. "I look fabulous!" she chortled. My wife and I looked at each other and impolitely mimicked.
The morning trains, as you can imagine, are full of business people. Many doing the daily trip to the city, two hours is no time compared with the two hundred miles. The majority are on corporate expenses, which explains the horrendous cost of the tickets. I often wonder why people don't travel down the previous evening, when

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