by Annie Farfum

Created on: February 28, 2007   Last Updated: April 23, 2007

Without communication you have no relationship. However the real question is 'how' you communicate, and do you understand how your partner communicates. If you communicate in different ways, it's the same as speaking two different languages.

Your partner has to understand how you make your point, how you express your thoughts. Some people need to talk about their feelings, and they verbalize their thoughts, where as other people don't. They express themselves more through action, than through words. Each one is acceptable as long as the method is understood by both people involved.

An example is a woman may want to talk about how she is feeling neglected by her husband. She may want to talk about the things they have in common, she may complain even nag him. The husband who might be feeling the same thing may not bring it to discussion but may actually just plan some extra time at home, or plan some kind of shared event so that more time is spent together.
As long as they both understand how to connect, there isn't a problem with their communication.

When a man or a woman says things like, 'you never listen to me'. She or he is simply stating that they don't believe they are being understood, and chances are, they are correct.

A good way to make sure your partner understands you is to repeat back to them what you just heard them say. This isn't something you do with every day communication, but in the case of something important, and perhaps even something that is in dispute, this is a very helpful tool of communication.

Two people can be very much in love with each other, but if they don't know how to understand and relate to each other then they won't be able to bridge gaps, work issues through, or share thoughts and dreams of their future together.
He may be thinking he's going to retire in Colorado with his fishing pole in hand, and she's been getting real estate information for cities in Arizona.

Talking, planning, spending time together, is all considered communication. It's not how much you talk or even listen so much as it's how much you pay attention.

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