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Things that can break up a friendship

by Christine Dickes

Created on: June 15, 2010   Last Updated: June 16, 2010

Surely, when you were younger, somebody told you, “lovers change, but friends are forever.”

Unfortunately, as we age, we realize that this isn't true, even though friendships are hardy relationships because they are usually less intimate than romances and family bonds. Chances are, if your buddy stays out two hours later than they're supposed to, drinks a little too much, and comes home with a secret, you'll probably be much less upset than you would if it were your spouse or mother at the club all night. We are lax on our friends because we are allowed to have as many as we want; if one of your needs is not being filled by a friendship with one person, you usually automatically fill it with another's.

As easy as it seems to maintain a friendship, we will all, inevitably, lose a friend, or know somebody who ends a friendship. There are quite a few reasons to end a friendship, including:

1. Your friend has betrayed you. Perhaps they have stolen from you, or slept with an ex-lover. Maybe they told one of your secrets to someone it was meant to be kept from. Before breaking it off your friend, think long and hard about why you feel betrayed, as well as your friend's possible motives. Did she feel the need to tell your secret because it involved abuse, self-harm, or other dangerous lifestyle choices and she was worried about you? Is she genuinely into a guy you only had a fling with? If you can't find a way to defend your friend's action of betrayal, and you do not receive or accept an apology, your friendship is probably over.

2. You have fallen out of touch with a friend. Perhaps this is how we lose most of our friends. Your lives have changed, maybe because one of you relocated or had children. Maybe a new lover has been preoccupying your friend and keeping him from enjoying hobbies, and time with his buddies, or you finished college, and are too caught up with your post-grad life to find time to hang out with your old roommates who are still on campus. Whatever the reason for this new distance, it can be the start of the end of a friendship. If you want to save this relationship, occasionally reach out to your buddy, and don't take the distance personally.

3. Your friend is a horrible roommate. It's a shame, but many friendships end when a roommate fails to do her part in the financial or domestic aspect of a shared living arrangement. Examine your friend's monetary habits and the cleanliness of their current space before you move in together. If

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