by Dan Keizer

Created on: June 15, 2010   Last Updated: June 16, 2010

Many people seem to think that it is hard to spot controlling behavior in a person, but it is actually pretty easy.  Even without knowing much about somebody, there are still telltale signs of a manipulative personality that can be observed by a watchful eye.

One of the more obvious signs that will reveal itself only after just meeting the person will be constant superficial reaffirmations of the relationship.  A controlling personality does not have the confidence or self esteem to base relationships on things like mutual interests or chemistry, so they will use props such as gifts, love notes and lavish dates to win their partners over.

Another sign that is usually readily visible even at the onset of a relationship is an obsessive interest in what the victim is doing or who they are around.  The manipulative type will tend to inquire into the nature of their partner's relationships with friends, coworkers and even family, asking questions that a more normal and confident partner would just as soon not know about.

Surprise visits are another sign of controlling, and are misleading because they will seem innocent and thoughtful on the abuser's part.  These visits, or even untimely phone calls, are by design intended to catch the victim off guard so the controller can find out what that person is doing and who they are with.

Public display of affection is another seemingly innocent action that a controlling type will use as a tool to manipulate.  These actions are meant to ward off the competition and to mark the abuser's territory.  A good way to differentiate between this and genuine affection is if the behavior only occurs in public and not in private.

Controlling partners also tend to encourage the severing of other close relationships that the victim may have, either by creating drama between the victim and others or by alienating those people on their own.  The controller may also emotionally punish the victim for sharing time with friends or family, or will even stage an "emergency" to cut a night out with an old pal short because they are not comfortable with the victim dedicating interest to others.

Snooping is another warning sign to look out for, as the abuser is obsessed with maintaining the victim's interest and ridding the relationship of competition.  If a controlling personality is discovered getting into something they have no business looking at, they may attempt to cover it up with some innocent

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>