by G E Barr

Created on: June 13, 2010

I once had many personal regrets until I realized that there was nothing I could do.  That in fact, it was less my personal responsibility and more a way of doing things.  You know, that good old down home tradition.  The kind that catches potential and sits by relishing every moment of it's rotting. 

I only regret having ever married.  The realization that I married four men makes me ill.  Just the thought of being shut up in a house, I don't care how big, with a man as a "husband", makes me ill. 

It must be said, because it is true and I'm being a bit honest here, I don't hate men.  I just hate certain kinds of men who are attempting to manipulate me and then of course, there's their women.  Feminist-wise it hasn't been kosher to come out and admit that certain kinds of women are hated for good reason.  I am a feminist and I'm vocal.  As well, the damage to my life and the effect it has had on my children is a little too deep for me to show any grace about this.

There were no women within my family whom I respected.  Very few came within my personal space when I was younger and even fewer now.  No men I respected.

I regret marrying so deeply that just thinking about it, gives me the willies. 

There's one more thing I regret.  I regret not being a really good liar and getting myself out of here.  I would've changed my name.  I would've escaped the hell I've had to live and continue to do so, because of who my parents and grandparents were.  From what I've seen where I live, those relatives of mine were no better or worse than what is here.

No, wait a minute.  I regret the day I was born.  I regret that according to what I'm seeing, religion is nothing more than a pedophile gang and crude wenches vying for special status. 

Oh, god, I regret being born.  You know, with this southern style personal responsibility thing, it could be my fault that Oklahoma has bad weather, like tornadoes.

I bet if they try hard enough, rape and murder and robbery could be philsophically made the victim's fault.  I mean stranger things are going on.

Oh, yeah, I regret having ever been born. 

But here I am dealing with all of this.  I don't have a choice.  I think that is my greatest personal regret, that I didn't have a choice.

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