by Iridescentrica

Created on: June 13, 2010

I gave her a ball of yarn.

She was delighted. So was I, when I saw her playing with it. I just had to smile when she had a loop around her neck and another around her paw, like a necklace and a bracelet.

The thread kept us connected. When I was in the kitchen busy with something, she would tug at the string and I would know that I needed to pick her up and cuddle her. When I’m reading, I would tug on my end of the string, and would come and sit on my lap. I love her. I really do!

A few nights ago, I was so occupied with work. It was dawn when I finally finished. When I opened the door, she was there, entangled in her ball of yarn! She must have been tugging all night. I turned to check at my end of the yarn…it was lying on the floor! How could I be so stupid, it must been there all this time. I felt so awful. I picked her up, and hugged her tight.

Work got more demanding during the days that followed that I had to juggle chores around the house. I became too busy that I carelessly left my end of the yarn unattended. When I did remember to check on her, it was always too late. I would find her desperately entangled in the ball of yarn. As each day passed, it became harder and longer to get her out. And no matter how I tried so hard to prevent it, she always got hurt in the process. I just couldn’t help but cry when I see her like this because I know it’s my entire fault!

Last night was supposed to be TV night. That’s when we watch TV together; her, on my lap and me, stroking her. I was out working all day, plus I had to run errands after. It was raining hard, and traffic was terrible, so I got home so late.

I opened the door. I saw my kitten.

Orange and white stripes, entangled in white yarn, drenched in blood. Strangled…

Then I felt the pain, dreadful pain that shot through my heart and pierced my eyes. But it would never be enough to compare to the pain she felt because of me. I hurt her.

I hurt her so bad. I killed her. I’m sorry baby, I’m sorry.

No meows, no purrs. No life, no love. No more.

I cannot, will not… be able to forgive myself.

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