by Rebecca Florido

Created on: June 11, 2010

What would I have named you if you would have been born? Would you have been a boy or girl? I would have hoped a boy as I don't like buying all those pink frilly outfits....I'm sorry for what I have done to you, not allowing you the chance to see the wonders of the world. I can't explain to you how much it has hurt me that I killed you. I wish your Daddy could have loved you like I did maybe if he had I would not be a total wreck in my mind. You would have been the light to my world....It's different having the love of a child in your life. You would have brought the most wonderful smiles to my heart! To hold you and see you smile up at me would have been the best feeling in this whole entire world.

 I'm completely stupid for what I have done! If you would have been a boy there would have been so much that your Daddy would have been able to teach you and I'm so sorry he did not want you, it broke my heart to know that I was not worthy enough in his heart and mind to hold onto you....I want you to know that I love you with all my heart and if you were here right now I would shower you with hugs and kisses. I have had so many bad dreams lately about that day I went into the abortion clinic...it tore me up inside to know that I was taking your life away before it even began....How could I have taken something so innocent away you didn't even have a fighting chance, I was suppose to protect you!

 I'm so lonely now, all by myself but if you were here I would have something to at least smile about. Sunday was so hard for me because all I could think about was holding onto you. I would have been the best mommy ever and if I could go back in time none of this would have ever happened. I'm not sure where you are at right now but I hope it's in a place where someone will love you like I would have. I hope they teach you the best of everything. Your Daddy and I are no longer together because mommy could not get her mind straightened out after I took your life away.

Why was I so weak? Why did I have to agree to what I did? I am so SORRY! I should have protected you but I didn't and that makes me the worst mommy ever! Please forgive I really didn't mean to, I really didn't! It takes everything I have to keep going every day. I wake up alone now without you here and your daddy could not deal with the anger that grew inside of me when I got rid of you so I am all alone and why shouldn't I? Look what I did to you of course I deserve to be by myself. I deserve you nor your Daddy...I'm an awful person for what I have done and I deserve to not even be here for the pain that I have caused everyone. I should have just told him no!

Oh, why didn't I protect you! I really wish you were here so I could hold onto you right now because with you here your daddy would have never had the chance to give me such awful feelings, I would be okay if you were here, I deserve to suffer for I have done to you.....Please forgive me! I love you and I know it must be hard to believe that I could love you with what I have done to you but trust me I do love you a lot just like I loved your Daddy but look at how I have treated him because of everything so trust me I do love you with all my heart I just made a HUGE mistake and if I was able to take it all back to make a better life for you and me then I would. When I am no longer on this earth I hope that where ever I go you will be there waiting on me and you are not mad at me.....I really hope you can forgive me, PLEASE.....PLEASE......PLEASE forgive me.

Love your mommy

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