by Jane Vee

Created on: June 09, 2010   Last Updated: October 11, 2010

There are times when your children chatter non-stop and you aren’t even listening to them. There are other times when your children are really talking to you and you do not hear what they are saying because you have learned to tune them out due to their chatter. They will later tell you that you were not listening or they already told you something. They may even tell you that you agreed to something you do not remember.

Here are a few tips for hearing what your children are saying to you so you do not get “sucker punched” later and you do not unknowingly agree to something they should not do in a million years.

Stop what you are doing - Show your child you are listening by stopping what you are doing. Children know when you are paying attention and when you are not. Kids like to fool you, so if they know you are not paying attention they may throw in something that you do not want them to do into the conversation. After all, later they can say they asked.

Be attentive - Give your child your undivided attention. If you give your child your undivided attention your child will be more willing to talk maturely to you because he or she will know you are treating them with respect. They see you give other adults your attention so they want it too.

Eye contact - Eye contact lets your child know you are paying attention to him or her. Look your child in the eye and they will learn to look you in the eyes. This is not only good to do when listening to your child, but it is also good to do to help teach your child focus and socialization.

Paraphrase - Paraphrase what your child said to make sure you understood. This not only lets your child know you are listening, but they know they will not be able to slip in a conversation they may not want you to hear. When you paraphrase, your child will know you are listening and even trying to understand.

Question - If there is anything your child says that you do not understand or wonder what they meant, question your child. Questioning your child lets them see that you are not always perfect either. Your child may ask you to take them three different places. Question them to make sure you have it in the right order if you have agreed to take them. This lets the child know you were listening, but just like them, sometimes you may have a hard time following orders.

When your child is “talking nonsense” and is not in reality, you may want to point it out to them. This will let your child know you are interested in them, but what they are saying is not real. It will help your child focus on reality and teach them the difference between real and make believe.

If you have a teenager it is extremely important that you listen to what they are saying. Sometimes children hide meanings in what they are saying that you cannot always detect if you are busy doing something else. If your child is hurt or needs something, you are more likely to discover it by paying attention to them.

Paying attention to your child regardless of their age, will build your child’s self-esteem and self-respect. Using these tips for hearing what your child is saying will not only influence your child, but it will improve the relationship you have with your child.

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