by Nigel Wickenden

Created on: June 06, 2010   Last Updated: June 09, 2010

How to get along with people you dislike is one of the keys to your own happiness. Nobody can make you unhappy or happy but you and therefore if somebody gets under your skin you should consider it to be your own fault. It is the way you think about situations and other people that will dictate your own level of happiness.

There is evidence that when one says bad or insulting things about a third party, some of that badness or the insult sticks to us. In order to keep our own personality clean and likable we must refrain from making derogatory comments about others either behind their backs or to their faces. The other side of the coin is that saying good things about others sticks to us as well. The old saying is “if you haven’t got something nice to say, keep your mouth shut” and it is excellent advice. But, we must go a lot further.

There is good and bad in everybody and so we must learn to find the good in even those people we do not like. Obviously we will have to dig deeper to find that good in some but we must keep at it. Once we have found something we can accept. like or even admire, we must concentrate on making it outweigh any negatives that he or she has. When we are in contact with those we dislike we must consciously decide to think about their good points and make the effort to be nice to them. Being nice does not cost us anything and in the long run it is more likely to pay dividends than insulting or saying nasty things about somebody just because we do like particularly like them.

Another old saying is “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Therefore if we make an effort to keep clear of people we do not like, we will not have to worry about thinking about them at all. By avoiding contact with people you dislike, you will not have any concerns about strategies for being nice to them. That is not to say one should make so much of a point in avoiding them as to turn and walk away if they walk towards you. 

The bottom line is that we are all human beings and want to be liked. By finding ways to cope with the feelings we have about those we dislike, we will actually be finding ways for others to like us more. This then becomes a win-win situation for us.

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