by Mary Brotherton

Created on: June 05, 2010

In recent years, the term gaydar has become more popular with younger adults and teens, generally when they initially discover someone close to them is gay.

They might announce, “My gaydar was way off,” or “My gaydar was right, again.”

Most people form first impressions upon meeting new acquaintances, employers or colleagues. Often, the initial feelings are correct. Generally, any adult who has been exposed to a variety of personalities can tell if another person is genuine or phony. If a person is pretending or trying too hard, it’s often evident immediately. The way another shakes your hand or the level of eye contact is very revealing to those savvy enough to study body language, but simply put, most people have “gut feelings” that steer them toward or from other people.

Gaydar, for those who are tuned in, helps heterosexuals determine if a new acquaintance may or may not be gay, thereby choosing their next step in the relationship.

People who are naïve or simply don’t base relationships with others on sexuality, have gaydars that are either malfunctioning, tuned down or turned off. They still receive messages from their “gut” about dishonest people or persons who are more sincere; still, they may never realize which people in their circle of friends are gay – maybe because they don’t care or need to know. These people are never shocked to discover a homosexual in their midst, but they sometimes wonder how they could have “missed it.”

Of course, nearly anyone can recognize as gay, a man who “sneezes glitter” or a woman with a crew cut who prefers neckties to necklaces. The people who are struggling with their own sexuality and trying to decide if or when to “come out” are the ones who can set off a finely tuned gaydar.

Gaydar can be especially helpful for those who are too shy to approach other gays and don’t want to frequent exclusively gay hangouts. If they can tune in to other gays, introductions might go more smoothly. Conversely, a heterosexual who is comfortable with his or her own sexuality and has a keenly tuned gaydar will be able to avoid sending mixed signals to new friends who are gay. After a while, heterosexual and homosexual friends can joke around and be more casual, but in the beginning stages of what some may call a mixed relationship, even jokes can be mistaken for flirting.

Whether a person is gay or straight, most don’t want to send the wrong signals, especially upon first meeting, so a finely tuned gaydar can be a strong asset.

Whether or not gaydar works, it exists, on some level.

Learn more about this author, Mary Brotherton.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.