by mamalu77

Created on: June 04, 2010   Last Updated: June 05, 2010

"How to cope with miscarriage, stillbirth or the death of a young child"? What a question to ponder, let alone actually have to experience. One is not soposed to bury their child, their child is to bury them. On that tragic unthinkable event that you do lose a child or have a miscarriage how do you cope? It is a broad question since everyone has their own way of coping. What works for one may be beyond anothers grasp. Many people believe that a miscarriage is less painful than the death of a living child, but when a person knows about and has planned for the birth of a child there is a bond that has already been established and the feeling of loss is just as great.

There are five common stages of grief that a person is said to go through after experiencing a loss such as the death of a child, or a miscarriage.

1. Denial

2. Bargaining

3. Anger

4. Despair

5. Acceptance

These stages can be experienced in any order and may come and go, lasting a minimal amount of time or lasting a lifetime.

When in the denial stage the entire reality of the fact may be denied. The person may convince themselves that it is not happening and that their child is alive and healthy, or that they are still pregnant with their child. The person my place blame on someone for the event as a way of minimizing the situation. "It will get better" is often said. Justification can also come into play during this stage, by believing and convincing others that they are okay. Basically they simply deny the fact that they are in denial. Or they will blame the deceased person for leaving them alone and scared.

Bargaining is a stage of prayer for a reversed outcome, or a trade for something they have for the life of the one that they lost.

When despair stage is basically the depression stage giving realization to the person making them aware that the loss did occur and that it can not change. The goal to focus on now is moving forward with the acceptance of the situation. This does not mean forget that it happened but focus on getting back to life and not being stuck in one of the stages causing more problems for you and your family.

While these are suggested stages of the grief process I believe that it is important to try to remain in control of your emotions and steer your thoughts toward the future. Surround yourself with people who are supportive, and understanding. Find support groups in your area or even on line. It is always great to meet people and the people you meet will know how you feel by experience not just what they have heard or learned while in school.

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