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Dear Mom and Dad,

So you found out your little girl is pregnant.

I was 18 when I got pregnant with my first daughter - I know that's not the same as 13, 14, or 15, but it was still hard on my family. My mother was the angriest out of everyone. My dad, wanted to be angry, yet - part of him wanted to be excited too. It was the biggest relief when my dad finally said - from this point on we're going to be happy about this baby. I was about 5 months along at that time. Up to that point I was very stressed, worried, panicked all the time.

My haven was my paternal grandparents' house. They were never angry, judgmental, or domineering. They never shouted, "You're getting an abortion!" the way my mother did. They never suggested that aborting my baby would be what God wanted, like other family members did. I couldn't have done it without my paternal grandparents. This was where I went for refuge when the world around me was judging me. Wouldn't it be wonderful if your own home could be your daughter's haven during this difficult time?

I know it's hard and you're probably angry and confused, but this happens. This happens to good kids. It's going to be very difficult for everyone and I don't think that pressing charges on your grandchild's father will help anything. (I could see if he was like 25 or 30, but 15 and 18 is a pretty normal age gap for dating.) Every situation is different, and I don't know all of the details of yours, but I can tell you that your daughter is probably freaked out beyond belief and having you to support her will make her pregnancy less stressful. She may change her mind about adoption too.

I didn't, but I was older and done with high school at the time. I had a couple of friends who gave their babies up for adoption when I was still in high school and they both felt and still feel they made the right decision, but it took them until almost the end of their pregnancies to decide. Since then, I have become a teacher and had several students give up and several students keep babies. Either way it's a difficult choice, but it will be easier for her and ultimately easier for you if you and your daughter have each other.

You probably don't want to force your opinion on your daughter either - to avoid future bitterness. However, I do think you and your husband should have some say in the adoption question. Here's why - there's no way she can do this alone - even if she's on welfare, she'll still need your help. I doubt you're ready to say - "Get your

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