by Lucius Trae

Created on: June 03, 2010

Parents should avoid being judgmental towards their children because it reflects on their parenting, in many cases. More specifically, most children are significantly influenced by their upbringing. While some parents get the challenge of raising the "bad seeds," most of societies failures are the result of systematic problems. Their parents were raised poorly, and they had little knowledge of how to raise a child.

What constitutes "failure" is rather subjective, but there is little justification for believing someone is a failure. If a person is happy, they seem to be succeeding in an important way. If they aren't happy, it can be the result of poor choices they've made, a bad personality, or other flaws. However, the word "failure" implies that things are done. An experiment failed, so you have to start over. I failed the test, so I have to accept how things turned out.

That attitude is not one a parent should take. Adults are still seen as children by their parents, in many respects. A person shouldn't give up on themselves, and they shouldn't give up on their children. The support and encouragement of a parent often means more than a parent might suspect. Children will know if you think they're failing, and it will negatively impact their self-esteem, sending them further into whatever problems they have.

As I see it, we should avoid calling people "failures" out of common sense. Failure implies that a person made bad choices and/or is responsible for their situation. Of course a person is responsible for their life, but people don't usually decide to live with a drug addiction, in poverty, or encounter other difficult situations. They may be unable to overcome adversities that others have faced, but that is best seen as a tragedy amidst a bright future. The hero of the story has reached their lowest point, and things are going to improve. Psychologically, being degraded has been shown to have little benefit at motivating people to succeed and live a happy life. If anything, it makes the situation worse. A parent should always believe in their child because belief helps breed success. Even though you realize the odds of a child making it in Hollywood are low, explain things in a way that doesn't accuse your child of being a failure or talentless.

Really, I don't see how a parent can see their child as a failure unless, perhaps, they are some sort of horrible criminal. Even then, such people are often the victim of genetics. When we tell them their killing spree was unethical, they think we're being as ridiculous as one can be - in many cases. It's like someone telling you writing is the worst crime someone can commit. It makes no sense to us because it's not true, I would hope. However, the same inability to understand causes many people to fail in ethical ways. Others have it worse, arguably, and they see they are unethical but are too weak-willed to control themselves - violence is their drug, so to speak.

Believing in your child is essential. If you are thinking your child is a failure, you need to sit down and determine why you have this belief. Afterward, examine how your child got into the situation in the first place. Was it really all their fault they failed the test, or did a broken down car make them unable to study? And lastly, try to discover ways to resolve the situation. If you're not trying to solve the problem, you aren't in a position to criticize. Part of parenting is helping children succeed and believing in their future.

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