by Evangeline Uriyu

Created on: June 02, 2010   Last Updated: June 03, 2010

The Long Good-bye

l refer to Bear’s slow decline as the “Long Good-bye.” He started his final journey two years before it ended. This was partly due to my herculean efforts to provide him with the best care money could buy, but mostly because our great bond with each other kept him fighting.  He defied death’s call with all the strength and will his little body contained.  He simply refused to put his beloved mistress through the worst pain of her life.

He started out as my daughter’s dog, but it was obvious from the start that he was mine.  The bond we formed and shared throughout his far too short life has been the closest bond I’ve had with any other living creature.  We communicated without words; he knew my every mood, thought and action often before I knew what I was about to do. We shared many grand adventures and I never felt alone even when it was just him and me.  So strong was our bond that when his time came to go, he wouldn’t allow himself to depart knowing that I could not bear it.  He clung tenaciously to life to serve his mistress who needed him and couldn’t let go.

The night he died, I wasn’t with my beloved Bear.  My veterinarian who is a very special, compassionate, and intuitive man, talked me into leaving Bear with him over-night promising that IV fluids could very well restore him.  That same night, just before mid-night Dr. Goldstein called to tell me that Bear passed away in his arms. He had a seizure, and was gone.  My daughter said that she knew what happened because I leaned my head back and emitted a keening cry that sounded much more like a painful howl than anything human she had ever heard.  I only remember feeling like my heart shattered in my chest and the pain of it took my breath away.  I realized Dr. Goldstein was talking and eventually I heard what he was saying.  He said that the bond between Bear and I was so strong, that he could not leave me. Bear was hanging onto life for me.  He knew it was Bear’s time and that he needed to separate us in order for Bear to die with dignity. 

I felt anger toward Dr. Goldstein and I’ve never spoken to him since the night Bear died.  I made Bear a promise I would see his last journey through with him; that I wouldn’t knuckle under the pain of losing him, and that I’d bear witness to his passing while comforting him along his way. 

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